..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
