I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
