Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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