my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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