I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
