This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
