just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
