Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
