hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
