if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
