Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
