Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
