His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
