Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
