He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
