if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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