She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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