I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
