Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dick very happy bro
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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