We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
