his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
