My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
