If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
