when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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