So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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