u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
