he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
