you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
