Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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