They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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