11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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