What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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