I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
