Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
