My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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