i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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