Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
