Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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