Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
