I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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