you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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