Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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