I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
