i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry about my life...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
