the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
