That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
