I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
