I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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