carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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