Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
