True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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