You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
