He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
