OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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