This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
