wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
