why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
