i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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