Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your penis caused this!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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