My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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