I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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