I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
