your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
