watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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