Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
