doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
