at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
