I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's never too late to be topless.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
