Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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