does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
