You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
