thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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