After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
