sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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