I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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