she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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