man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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