: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
