i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
